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| Let me introduce you to Nancy.
Recently I have begun working at Barnes and Noble. I've never had a job I enjoy so much. Not that I would want this to be a career, but its a good company to work for if I have to slave for corporate America. At least most of the people I work with are open minded progressive people. It's also nice to be away from Oklahoma. I'm not sure I could survive living in Oklahoma.
Anyways, today was only my second day and I was working cash wrap. One of the ladies working with me was the spry, young 68 year old Nancy. Nancy is one of those older women you just see and want to hug. She's always got a smile on her face. She frantically cleans the register area and takes a fervent interest in repeatedly dusting things. She's just returned from visiting her son in Germany. She does yoga "whenever she can". At 68 there's a bounce in her step, a real, vibrant energy of one who won't be defeated by the world. It's hard for me to have that kind of energy at 22, so it amazes me that this 68 year old woman does so genuinely. It's not this false "I'm going to be nice because I'm at work" happiness. It's a genuine gentle spirit.
She tries to teach me things and works a bit more slowly than me. That's not an insult to her, just a generational difference between someone who was born in the computer age and someone who was not. Nancy strikes up conversations with everyone who passes and often has comments about their reading choices - whatever they may be. She has so much energy its infectious - and not in the obnoxious, overbearing sort of way.
I write this to say, it took only 5 hours today for Nancy to become a new hero. When I'm 68, I sure as hell hope I can be that happy, that genuinely joyful and energetic about myself and the world.
When business slowed Nancy inquired about my background. I explained to her that I was born in Baton Rouge but my dad was in the military and so we've moved around a good bit. I explained that I was a student in Oklahoma studying English with hopes of someday making it in the field of writing (of any kind).
"Really? I was a journalism student and I am a writer," she excitedly replied.
Business picked up again and our conversation was temporarily halted. I figured this to be the end. Just one of those passing conversations that we have on a day to day basis with the different people we encounter. Nancy had made her friendly connection with me and work goes on, just two amiable co-workers with some common ground.
However, after several minutes when business died back down, Nancy surprisingly returned to the subject.
"Yeah, I studied journalism. Don't you ever just feel like you need to just go write?" she asked.
"Ah hum-ma-na what now?" I responded, confused at the energy of this woman.
"Like you just need to sit down and just let it all out?"
This coming from someone in my age range wouldn't have caught me off guard, but for a 68 year old woman to confess her need to just sit down and let it all go through writing was a shocker.
"Yeah, definitely. Its the only way to let it out sometimes," I responded.
"I started to figure out that I had a gift for writing things in a way which was interesting and easy to understand. I could communicate my thoughts very well. I wrote news releases, business plans, all sorts of stuff. Before long I worked my way up to the head of a non-profit organization."
"What non-profit?" I interestedly inquire.
"Oh "(insert state land preservation non-profit that i can't remember the name of here)". I got to be the head of that when I was 60. It was just too much, I got overwhelmed. But while I was doing that we lived in Northern Louisiana and I found this area and started taking pictures. After a while I realized, there's a book in this."
At this point, I'm just astounded. She's 68 years old and still full of vigor and energy and drive to do new and challenging things. She's not old and worn out from the rugged task of facing this world.
"Yeah, so I started taking more pictures and made a book out of it. They actually sell it here. It's still kind of weird to think about it."
Wow. That's just cool.
"I'm not seeing much money off of it obviously since I'm working here," she chuckles.
Not only is she trying new things, its lack of financial return seemingly rolled off her shoulder like nothing. It wasn't about making money, it was about doing something she loved.
The conversation continued and I asked about how she got into journalism and further explained that I wasn't sure if that's what I really wanted to do, but that I really just want to write.
"I don't know what to do. But I just hope it all works out."
"It will," she said confidentally. Does this woman really believe in me though she has known me less than a good night's sleep time?
"Just follow your heart and it will all work out."
Such optimism and wisdom. Her spirit is undeniable. I want to work with Nancy everyday. I want to pick her brain and learn from her grace. I want to be her in 46 years.
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| the cool fog drapes over the placid lake
i cannot see you for the distance
you are as near as my fingertips
but further than a stone's throw
how do i reconcile this distance?
i hope for those sweet kisses you leave
in the damp morning air
i listen in the wind, for the sound of your tears at night
the fog will be lifted and there, before my eyes
is a beauty far grander than i remember
in the placid lake of your eyes
and the heavy fog of your heart | | |
| about time i got that sad note down the page a bit.
finding a job is more difficult than i presumed. i'm not really the standard male, equipped and ready to work with his hands. in fact, i have difficulty moving furniture around the house. i'd rather work with my mind. but there aren't many businesses who are looking for a critical thinker for the summer. i have little work experience that proves any value to either restaurants, retail stores and the like. which just make this process even more difficult and frustrating.
i feel as if for some people the world just magically aligns. they find their job. they find their love. they find their niche. and for me? i can't even see the stars. i just can't seem to catch a break.
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| today is a sad day in american history.
disgusting acts like the one committed today rob me of all hope.
there is no reasoning or justifying his actions.
literally insane.
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years of repression have lead me back here.
this disease is eating me alive.
it would be much easier to simply run away...
but how can a man move by simply running away?
do i really want to run the risk of being truly vulnerable? or maybe being hurt? is it worth it?
for you... maybe.
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